Wow! Two years since I've posted on here. A lot has happened in that time. Someone actually commented on my blog from 2 years ago, today of all days. I'll start back in 2015.
In September of 2015, I turned 27. Want to know what my birthday present was? Positive pregnancy tests. I had done it. I had finally gotten what I had been praying for for so long. I was only 3 weeks when I found out I was pregnant, but I started spotting. I went to my OB/GYN. He proceeded to tell me, in a raised voice, that it was impossible to know I was pregnant that early. My breasts were tender, I was tired, and the tests were positive. He ran beta HCG, quantitative and qualitative HCG tests. He came back in the room looking very subdued and confirmed my pregnancy. He told me the brown discharge was normal and nothing to be concerned about. This doctor had previously assisted us in different fertility methods, but he didn't run further tests. I no longer blame him, but he had previously told me I was high risk for miscarriage, yet he did not run any additional blood work. After the yelling and him telling me to schedule a follow up when I was at 9 weeks, I looked at the nurse, very tearfully, and said, "you know I'm not coming back here right." She apologized on behalf of the doctor. She also called me the next day and informed me the doctor that owned the practice was willing to be my doctor and apologized again. Still, I refused. But the story continues, and it's still not pleasant.
During this time, I was completing my internship to earn my Master's degree. I had found a pro-life OB/GYN in another town, where I was completing my internship. I called to get an appointment. Worked with his midwife consistently. By the time the tests were run and I had the prescription I needed for low progesterone, it was too late. I made it home after driving to multiple pharmacies and multiple phone calls to get the script. Within 5 minutes of arriving home after cramping, spotting, and begging God, I miscarried. I had lost my baby at almost 6 weeks pregnant. My husband was offshore by then, so I was alone. I tried to call my sister who didn't answer. I ended up calling my mom, hysterical. She came, then my sister called back and came to me as well. My sister prayed the rosary with me when I was calm enough. She sat with me while I called my husband and woke up his ship captain in the middle of the night. I told my husband I had lost our baby. The child we had prayed for and went through hell to conceive. He offered to come home, but there was nothing he could do. I told him to stay at work because we couldn't afford for him to miss financially. He came home a week and half after it all happened.
Something to add, I began taking Pregnitude in January of 2015. It's a dietary supplement I found through natural family planning websites. It's not FDA approved but I did begin to ovulate and have more regular cycles.
In the last 2 years since I lost our baby, I have continued to take only the Pregnitude. I was done with trying other methods. However, I continued to see the pro-life physician. His recommendation was to have a procedure to check for and remove endometriosis. I had the surgery last Thursday on November 2, 2017. He told me he's had multiple patients have the surgery and conceive, sometimes even deliver, within the year. I go back for my post-op appointment and get more details on Monday. Dr. did inform my husband that he removed, as suspected, endometriosis but also a large cyst on one of my ovaries and a fibroid.
Right now, I have renewed hope. Renewed faith. I know now that I have done everything within my power and the power of man to have a child. Everything is now up to God. I will continue to pray, continue to hope. Most importantly, I have to continue to place my trust in God, each and every day. For His perfect will to be done. Not mine. I'm 29 years old now. I've been trying for more than 11 years. I'm so tired. But, I'm not finished yet. God is not finished with me yet.
If my blog reaches even 1 person, then sharing my story is worth it. I have more to say, but I'll save that for another post. Either today or tomorrow, I will share more parts to the story. My prayers are with those struggling. I know I'm not alone, even though it often feels that way. I don't share this story lightly. I don't post about it on facebook or bring it up in casual conversations. So I hope, that if you're reading this, you're looking for hope and that you find the hope and faith that I have gained through these experiences.
With all my love and my prayers,
Mary
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